WHERE THERE IS NO AUTHORITY, BULLYING PREVAILS
Parents, students, teachers and administrators have the responsibility to stop this plague on American education.
A Perry Iowa High School student walked into the school at 7:37 am on January 4 and opened fire killing one 11 year old child , the principal and wounding four others. At once this horrific event became politicalized, as per usual, making it about gun control. The cacophony of voices shouting for better gun legislation has afforded this country the luxury of not addressing two of the root causes of school violence: bullying and lack of mental health care .
Craig Crazios and Martha Mchardy, freelance writers for the Independent reported the following: The Iowa school shooter who killed one sixth grader [and the principal who later died of his wounds] and injured ]four] was bullied “relentlessly,” according to his former classmates..
His former classmates, sisters Yesenia Roeder and Khamya Hall, both 17, said that Butler had been bullied relentlessly since elementary school.
They added that the bullying had escalated recently, when his younger sister started getting picked on, too. Officials at the school didn’t intervene, they said, and that was “the last straw” for the shooter.
“He was hurting. He got tired. He got tired of the bullying. He got tired of the harassment,” Yesenia Roeder said.
This from Brookings reporter Robin Kowalski, Ph.D: We found that the majority of school shooters are male (95%) and white (61%)–yet many of these individuals feel marginalized. Indeed, almost half of those who perpetrate K-12 shootings report a history of rejection, with many experiencing bullying. One 16-year-old shooter wrote, “I feel rejected, rejected, not so much alone, but rejected.” Prior to the Parkland shooting, the perpetrator said, “I had enough of—telling me that I’m an idiot and a dumbass.”
So who am I, addressing this critical issue? A teacher of 46 years who continually fought for those students marginalized and bullied. In my last high school teaching position, one afternoon students ran into my room and asked me to stop a fight outside my door. I would not advise teachers to think of themselves as a referee in any fight. But I didn’t have time to contemplate whether I should get involved so I rushed out my door to intervene. I learned from previous fight interventions not to step in between the boys fighting, or girls for that matter. I stood at all of my 5’8” stature, used my scariest bullhorn voice and yelled that they needed to stop now before they were in more serious trouble. With the help of some male students, we were able to separate the two boys. I sent one to another teacher’s room as I sequestered the other one in my room.
I sat him down, told him to take some deep breaths and tell me his side of the story. He shared that the other boy had bullied him for months. I asked him if he had gone to the administration about this. He answered, “Yes, but they didn’t do anything about it.” I assured him I was now his new advocate and would intervene on his behalf. Since I was free that period, I walked the young man up to the office. The assistant principal was in so I asked if I could have a moment of his time. He agreed, so the young man and I sat down and explained the fight repercussions. The assistant principal appeared to listen thoughtfully, nodded several times in agreement when the young man stated he was tired of the bullying. I was due back in the classroom so I left the student in the office, feeling he was now in good hands.
The young man did not have classes with me so it was a few days before I saw him again. In fact, he popped into my room just to say “hi”. He appeared to be better collected in his demeanor but I felt I needed to follow up. I asked him if the administration had done anything about the bullying. He said they had not. Let me repeat: the administration chose not to involve themselves with this young man. It is a choice and unfortunately one which goes on daily in American schools by both administrators and teachers.
You’ve all heard the excuses of teachers and administrators who choose not to get involved with bullying:
Boys will be boys.
It’s a hormonal thing which provokes boys to demonstrate their alpha personality.
Bullying is just a part of growing up.
Everyone goes through some sort of bullying.
Being bullied makes you stronger.
When you and I attended school BEFORE social media, bullying certainly existed. But it’s a whole new world out there with the internet and our children are and will continue to be the victims of it. Today’s kids live and yes, even die over peer posts on TikTok, X and those platforms we don’t even know about.
I felt the need to address bullying in my book “Rescue the Teacher, Save the Child!” This excerpt is from the chapter appropriately called Bullying Is Real:
Leonard was a come to life Dickens’ character. He joined our men’s choir midterm, without much introduction from his counselor. Leonard stood at least six feet tall, with an extremely thin build, and shaggy facial hair. His dark skin seemed overshadowed with blotches of dirt. He appeared as an orphaned child, dressed in shoddy clothing. On his first day, he gallantly walked to the last row of risers, but his large feet betrayed him. They hooked onto vacant chairs, sending them crashing. I could sense our upper socioeconomic school would find it challenging to accept him. Unfortunately Leonard would face much worse than I imagined.
Leonard’s attire reflected his demeanor and attitude. His face displayed a countenance of toughness, ready to fight anyone. Students sensed this immediately, and some decided to challenge his mere existence. One afternoon, I heard a loud commotion outside my third story classroom. About 50-60 students gathered below my window, shouting derogatory comments. I could not see the beneficiary of the shouting, but it concerned me that the crowd mentality moved towards violence. Leonard stepped out of the front door of the school to taunts, name calling and challenges to fight. I stood frozen, watching this unfold. Before I could even think of reacting, Leonard took off on a dead run with those 50+ students screaming behind him. It became a scene out of a horror movie. A desperate man-child running down the middle of the street, with the lynching mob close at his heels. Before I could report what I witnessed, Leonard and the crowd disappeared from view.
The administration believed anything which happened off campus untouchable. I understood the legal ramifications, but this mindset would not help Leonard. Our administration’s hands were tied and nothing could be done. Or at least that seemed the thought at the time.
The next day I canceled rehearsals, sat down with my choirs and held a discussion on how humans should conduct themselves. I expressed my sadness about Leonard’s plight. One student shared the conclusion of Leonard’s run for his life. The crowd chased him into the lobby of a retirement center, where he took refuge. Leonard hid there until the bullying group of students dispersed. My students decided to initiate a letter writing campaign to Leonard in hopes he could see this school as something other than the monster portrayed by the angry crowd. With high enthusiasm for affecting change, the students completed their letters by the next day. I read each one to insure appropriateness. In every teacher’s life, clock stopping moments occur when he feels proud to be in education. This qualified as one of those junctures of character and unconditional love. The letters proved incredibly thoughtful and profoundly apologetic. Three days passed but still no sign of Leonard. I looked up Leonard’s address and decided to deliver the letters personally. What I witnessed would become seared in my memory forever.
Most of our students came from middle to upper class neighborhoods. Yet one mile from school stood Leonard’s house in disrepair, surrounded by a dirt yard. Crumbling front steps and a yard filled with clutter greeted me. A young, half-dressed child answered my knock. The garbage strewn floor did not captivate my first impression. No floor existed in the house! Five young children, standing on a dirt surface, dressed in filthy clothing, stared up at me. Then I saw Leonard, perched on a chair, looking incredibly sad. With no other chair in sight, I remained standing, confessing how sorry our choir kids felt about the disreputable behavior exhibited by the crowd. Leonard only nodded. I handed him the letters and told him he would find a safe place in my room should he return to school. He muttered something about not returning. I understood but I hoped he would give our school one more chance.
A few days later, Leonard appeared in the doorway of my classroom. From that moment on, my students insured Leonard found a way to finish his ninth grade year without further bullying. After he left our school, I lost track of him. Did all my lost souls end up with an amazing end story? Unfortunately they did not. A school counselor once warned me I could not save all the kids. Those proved prophetic words. I found it challenging not to reach out to every child in need. Even if I could not save every child, at least I learned to celebrate small victories along the way.
Teachable Moment
Teachers and Administrators: Advocate for the defenseless students! If warranted, choose drastic and unexpected solutions to further the cause. Your actions, more than clever posters or speech, will guarantee your school protected from the unthinkable. Do not let fear stand in the way of demonstrating your fierce warrior inner self to your students. Your actions create an environment for children to learn, free of animosity.
Strategies:
Painting the Target: Bullies are drawn to students who exhibit victim mentality. Whining, complaining children sometimes paint their own target on their back. Teasing, a natural banter between kids, begins innocently. When the teased child appears to wither and withdraw, the aggressor feels more empowered. I would encourage those “victimized” students to do the following:
When someone teases you, either laugh at your idiosyncrasies, agree that you are not perfect or shrug your shoulders and walk away. Do not show signs of hurt feelings or allow one tear to enter your face!
If the teasing turns into constant harassment, then stand up to that person with a rehearsed verbal closure remark and walk away before a war of words ensues.
If the bullying takes on a menacing nature, then it is time to get an adult involved. Hopefully there are designated teachers, rooms, counselors or administrators who are able to advocate for any student the victim of bullying,
We inadvertently created coddled youth with rubberized playgrounds, helicopter parents and a victim mentality. When a girl in sixth grade called me” fat” a number of times, making my life miserable, I gave her a swift shove to the ground. My actions startled not only her but myself as well. I told her no more teasing or I would beat her up if she continued. The next day she gave me a friendship ring and we remained friends throughout high school. Would I ever advise physical contact as a way to combat bullying? Of course not. But giving children permission to defend themselves and supporting their decision to do so is not only acceptable but sometimes required of parents. Our son came home in tenth grade afraid to go into the locker room because older kids began shoving him up against the lockers. My husband and I encouraged him, if he felt physically threatened, he could defend himself. Fearful it could get him suspended from school since the rules did not allow for fighting back, he asked what we would do if he were suspended. We told him we would support the suspension and not give him any further consequences. Thankfully it never came to that. Perhaps the advice we shared gave our son the confidence to face his bullies. Kids with confidence (whether earned or fabricated) seldom, if ever, bear the brunt of verbal or physical abuse from their peers.
Final Advice
Parents: If you believe your child is the bully, you must not only intervene but also send a strong message with consequences. If your child is being seriously bullied, find out who it is and contact the perpetrator’s parents immediately. When I was in high school, a student in my gym class made up a scenario about me which was completely fabricated. I thought it would just pass through the gossip mongers and die. But it didn’t. When I told my mother, she immediately contacted the other girl’s parents. I was totally embarrassed about it at the time but as I look back, my mother’s actions not only stopped the hurtful words whispered at my back but taught the others in my class to be careful about making up things. There would be consequences.
Students: Do not allow anyone in your school to demean and tease another student relentlessly. It’s that simple. If you do not have the courage to stand up for your fellow students, find a teacher or administrator who will. Most importantly, follow up to make sure expectations put in place remain so.
Teachers: You create the environment and learning atmosphere in your room. Be fierce in not allowing any student to badger another. Be ready with fair and immediate consequences. Document the negative actions and outbursts in class to insure you can recall, in months to come ,what actually transpired. Follow up, follow up and then follow up. Bullying is not a right of passage for anyone. You have the power to intercede, report and insure the bullying stops.
Administrators: You are the final solution for kids who persecute their peers. Drop everything and be the arbitrator. Resolve to end the bullying before any student leaves your office. If you need to involve the local police, don’t hesitate to do so. Every year your school does not experience dangerous physical fights or the worst case scenario of a shooting, you have done your job.