YOU CAN'T MAKE THIS UP!

TALES OF MISCHIEF, MAYHEM AND MOTIVATION FROM A SEASONED TEACHER!

The past few blogs and podcasts addressed the case of the captured child in America’s classrooms. If you haven’t already, please read or listen to all five episodes.

Now it’s time for the lighter side of teaching. It comes under the heading “YOU CAN’T MAKE THIS UP!” After spending 46 years in public school classrooms, I have some tales to tell! Each will be followed by “teachable moments.” The events are true but the names have been changed to protect both the guilty and the innocent.

This Girl Is On Fire

One of the first things I learned as a teacher was never to leave my students unattended. On this day, adhering to that rule of maintaining constant vigilance paid off.

Teaching middle school choral music was one of the best positions I ever held. But it was not without challenges. In the district of my employment, every choral program had a full time accompanist. My room was filled with 30-40 singers seated on three risers of chairs. This day started as any other day. Warm ups with the accompanist and then delving into the music.

The altos were struggling so I moved to my far right to rehearse them while the sopranos, on the other side of the room, waited patiently. All of a sudden I heard “whooooshhhh.” I turned toward the soprano section, only to see one of my singer’s hair go up in flames. You cannot make this up. The flames grew to five or six inches in height. While I headed in her direction, in what felt like a slow motion movie reel, she frantically pounded her hands on her head to put the fire out. Miraculously the fire subsided by the time I reached her. Now the debilitating odor of burned hair permeated the room. As she pulled out tufts of hair and screamed the “f” word in all its glory, I gently helped her stand, preparing to send her to the nurse, accompanied by another student. My room was located on the third floor and of course our health aid was on the first floor. As the student exited my room, the entire school heard her guttural screams echoing down two flights of stairs. I can still hear her cries of anguish. “My f-ing hair is falling out! My f-ing hair is falling out! F*** F*** F***!”

The class actually carried on with some suppressed giggling and plugged noses. Now it was time for lunch and my dread rose to a new level. For you see, all teachers shared the same lunch time and were congregated in the staff lounge. Upon entering said staff lounge, the chatter ceased to silence. My principal, standing by the door, looked at me, shook his head and said I needed to explain what happened earlier. I assured him I hadn’t left the classroom and was fully in charge. Thinking back, that assurance probably seemed incredibly lame. My accompanist was at the piano, in front of the flaming student. Nothing came from his lips. My bizarre fire incident, which circulated throughout the building, clarified the snickering I heard from my colleagues as I tried to explain the sequence of events.

Why did the child light her hair on fire? She attempted to melt her eyeliner with her cigarette lighter, inside of her purse. Encountering a low flame, she leaned over and pushed the flame to go higher. Her hair, covered with hairspray, immediately caught the flame. Luckily, the damage to her hair was only esoteric since the hairspray burned instead. While she did lose some hair, by the next day I witnessed no physical damage.

It didn’t end there. Her parent called the following day to chastise me for telling students her daughter’s hair caught fire. No ownership came from the parent that her daughter started her own hair ablaze. The only anger expressed was against me for sharing it with students. The audacity! I reminded the parent her daughter screamed all the way down two flights of stairs “My hair is f-ing falling out.” Of course it was easier to blame the teacher for her daughter’s hair frying episode.

Teachable Moment: The legal ramifications of leaving your classroom unattended could result in the loss of your job and/or a student experiencing serious injury. Such was a case with a student in another teacher’s class. The students thought it quite fun to cover a young man in peanut butter before the teacher arrived for the class. Upon entering, the teacher found the student semi-conscious due to his serious peanut allergy, which was unknown to the pranksters. Do not allow students in your room if you are not present! Find someone close to your room to cover your class in case of an emergency. Do understand you work with students who possess the capacity to act quite unpredictably. And you work in an environment where your poor decisions could become a career-ender.

Also know you will never operate a perfect classroom. There will be mistakes made. Truly the only mistake made is the one you don’t learn from.

Join me soon as I share more mayhem from my teaching days!

And speaking of “teachable moments”, my book RESCUE THE TEACHER, SAVE THE CHILD! (Amazon/Barnes & Noble) is laced with them!

Order your copy today.  Winner of the 2020 Topshelf and Maincrest Media non-fiction book awards. REVIEW: This book is an honest description of some of the many obstacles that get in the way of teachers doing their best for our children. Wouldn't it be nice if everyone who had a child in school read the book? It is an educational read for anyone.